i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
