listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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