I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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