I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
