I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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