R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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