Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
