i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It was confusing and full of hummus
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
