I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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