I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
