So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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