Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
