STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
