Quick, to the slutcave!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
