Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
