I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
