Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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