she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
