didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
