my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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