my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I understand Curling. That high.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
