now i know why i became what i already was.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
