i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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