After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
