i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My penis needs a shock collar
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
