epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
