Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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