She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
