i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
two words: eviction party
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
