i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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