Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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