i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
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