I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize