Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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