New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
