i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
