Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
