I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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