my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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