Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
