So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
