i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
