oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
