My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
