I'm going to jail i love you
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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