After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
