omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
