babies were throwing up all over the place
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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