there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
