I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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