your room smells of hookers.
And success
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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