An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
