He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
