Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize