she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
3pm strippers are depressing
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
