That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize