Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Mom said you looked used
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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