'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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