and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize