White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
