Got a toothbrush?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
