I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
