so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
