That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
