I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
