It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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