And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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