loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize