New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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