I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
