i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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