Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
