If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
