i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
