I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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