When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
