im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
