At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
