You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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