if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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