He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
